I almost missed it oh…my century blog post benchmark. It might not mean plenty, probably nothing to be very proud of, but considering where we – this blog and I – are coming from, I decree that it is.
So…
For all of you beautiful people, any more thank you’s might force Google to sanction me. Instead, I’ll just keep working hard at rolling the words out for your reading pleasure.
Thank you…oops! đ
Dear you,
Season II of the ‘This Thing Called’ series is here and it will feature five (5) TTC posts each spaced two weeks from the next. It’s been much harder keeping up blogging with the new job but I made a commitment to Usonwa and I shall keep it, come warm breeze or cool weather. More especially now that I have you too. It’s a lot of encouragement knowing that you always read and appreciate my work so do more sharing and commenting! đ
Now the first in the TTC series: Season II…
This Thing Called…Love languages
I wish I could claim it was me but Dr. Gary Chapman, Christian counselor and author, was the one who invented the term ‘love language’ when he published his book, The Five Love Languages. In it, he defined a love language as a medium of communicating love, as well as – he made sure to add – expressing it. He enumerated and explained the five ways all of which we will now attempt to understand:
You could also go for a subtle “Boo, you smell nice!” or just let it rip with “Chai nne, your hips don’t lie for real!”.
it also doesn’t have to end with looks. Try telling her “baby, if this your rice na motor, it is Bugatti…ah swear!” even if it is probably a lime-green keke napep; also say to him, “Darling, this your haircut na presidential ohâ even though it makes his ogo bulge like a magnanimous, very cheerful pimple.
Just affirm…say it!
(so she walks in on him watching soccer in the living room. She joins him on the sofa)
He: you have come to watch those tatashi kardashian babes bah?
She: no (snuggles closer)
He: Oh, Telemundo?
She: no, this one is fine.
He: which one is fine? (points at the tv)Â this one? F.O.O.T.ball match?
She: ehn nah…
He: Beht why? (genuinely worried)Â What have I done this time?
She: (laughs) Nothing joor. Today, I want to watch anything you’re watching. Oya stop whining…oh oh oh, see Denrele has scored oh…GOOOAAALLLL.
Shut your eyes, brothers and let us pray:
Dear Lord Almighty. we will forgive the audacity of imagining Denrele on a football field, we will even forgive when they gush over Cristiano Ronaldo’s packs – you could consider paralyzing his arms anytime he wants to rip his shirts off shaa. But yes Lord, we will forgive all of those…only make women more like this…
 and 
Make them less like this…
and please oh, NEVER like this…
AMEN!
No matter how much you pretend or/and say that it doesn’t matter, we all know that there is a mushy some’n some’n about an item given you by that special someborri. It could be mind-blowing MAD expensive…
just expensive…
not expensive at all…
 or 
or downright silly…
Just give!
She: I want to eat pounded yam.
He: Ok, there’s this new place in Ikoyi where…
She: no! I want you to pound it yourself (pout)
He:Â 
I sincerely sympathize with you, bro…and every other man who is stuck in this situation. I sympathize because if it is really what does it for her, you have to do it. I can guarantee you though, that afterwards you won’t so readily ooh and aah with the rest of us over Tiwa Savage…
It matters to him/her, yes? Do it!
Pick your minds out of the gutter…it is not always sex; it could be a simple
 or 
A good ol’…
or simply…
Sex of course, is a very essential angle to the physical but it is my unsolicited opinion that it quickly loses its appeal in the absence of ‘innocent’ touches.
So touch him/her today!
According to Dr. Chapman, few people elect for one, some are comfortable with two or three while the rest â like me đ â communicate love in all five languages. He also brazenly stated that the languages are exhaustive, i.e. expression of all the love in the whole world must be by at least one of them.
People have tried to prove him wrong – myself inclusive – but have failed. Feel free to try, and if you can come up with a medium of expressing love that doesn’t fall under one of words, quality time, gifts, acts of service or touch, I owe you an entire blog post.
It is important to remember that the crux of This Thing Called love languages is embedded in the simple idea but very difficult practice of selflessness – the core foundation of love. What does she want most? What does he like? How can I make her happy?
To answer these questions however, you must know the answers as they apply to you. The reason is the same as why âselfâ starts the word âselflessâ.
Do you know the answers then? For you, I mean. What do you want from a partner? How do you like to be treated by the one you love and who loves you? Then, how do you show someone you love them back?
I did a mini-poll to help you out…
For Fave, itâs all about attention. So long as sheâs âintoâ the guy, she values attention â she will give it and expect to be given back in return. Gifts too. Another friend by name of Alex was bitten by the same attention bug as Fave because he is partial to undivided attention as well; that and unceasing smiles. Maybe we can hook them up, aye?
Then there is Ud, a beautiful lady who doesnât want too much. The best way to let Ud know you’re besotted with her is through calls and frequently saying sweet ânothingsâ.
Uche on his part speaks the love language of touch â now thatâs a guy I can agree with! He communicates his affection by touching, often subconsciously. He also favors quality time because he always keeps in touch.
Mefy though, does not buy the whole touch agenda. âTouching would wear off once youâve been together for a long timeâ she says. âMy love language is doing; if I were genuinely in love, I would make sacrifices and put my partnerâs happiness before mineâ She nearly bought me over, Iâll confess, if not for the anti-touch agenda.
Tobe is yet to clock 27 but he is very âelderlyâ, you’ll understand how in a bit. He doesn’t fuss over much else but honesty. His love language he says, âis openness…I expect the same too because it helps us understand each other betterâ
Anyi comes close but not too much. In showing his love, he neglects his partnerâs faults, patiently assists her to be a better person while allowing her do same to him, behaves and dresses well around her, calls her sweet pet names and of course, spends some cash when needed. I donât know if the right conjunction to use here is âandâ or âbutâ but he literally becomes her slave (shudder)
For Kaka, itâs all about the pampering, âMore like spoilingâ she quickly adds, âand it doesnât have to be with moneyâ. Bobos are jubilating Iâm sure, but the best part is this: âIt goes both ways for me. I will spoil you too and make it seem effortless; Iâd like it if you did the same.â Can I hear a âCHAIâ someborri???
Samantha is about a lot of things as far as love goes – respect, support, doing things with her partner that they both like, and majorly â wait for it â pampering.
Really, what is it with full-grown women and pampers?
âI will pamper him ohâ Sam says, âbut mine will be more as the lady. I will not tire from being pampered. Little things like that matter to me; plus I love being treated like a queenâ
If you’re thinking ‘lawd have mercy’, you should hold it because Ezinma is more. She is in fact, multilingual. She likes random texts and calls from her partner who should also play and be childish with her. She wants to be bought stuff â expensive or not â and she feels loved when her partner does something for her and tells her itâs for her.
I said, M.U.L.T.I.lingual!
âMy love language is also wordsâ the delightful Ezinma continues, âI know that I know but tell me you love me. When we are apart, bridge the gap…I donât want to miss you, not too much. And when we are together, take me out, do breakfast in bed and take my feet sometimes. Of course, I would do all these for you too”.
And a lot of guys be like…
But hey, it’s a free world of love and love languages. You should click down below in the comments to share your answers to these questions.
Do you believe in This Thing Called Love Languages? What is your love language?
I am @ojukwu_martin on twitter
I am @ojukwu_martin on twitter
The proprietress of the secondary school I attended in Aba had this saying she was very fond of and made sure we never stopped hearing. On many occasions while we were in class, or standing on the hard-clay assembly grounds behind the main school building, or seated in the large auditorium, she would face us in one of her uniform loose, short-sleeved blouses, knee-length cotton skirts and black flats. Her slouched shoulders would straighten a fraction of an inch, her amply dimpled chin would incline at a determined angle and set in her dark brown face, her black eyes would burn strength and hope into ours, while she said, âI can do it! You can do it! If I set my mind to it!â
Often she would ask us to repeat after her and most of us would attempt humorous mimicries of her American accent â I cain duwehtâŚyou cain duwehtâŚif I set my mind tuweht! We would covertly snicker among ourselves and exchange low high-fives; and a number of our teachers would even crack tiny smiles at our juvenile mischief, but not Mrs Zoe. She would stand stern while we repeated those words and like her, gesticulated accordingly with our index fingers. And it worked because they stuck. The words didnât just stick in our hearts and minds, they have rung true for me in all the years since then.
I CAN DO IT! YOU CAN DO IT! IF I SET MY MIND TO IT!
The best example that comes to mind is with respect to the emergence of the Ebola virus in Nigeria few months ago. The manner in which EVD was battled into containment in Nigeria reeks of ardent resolve, especially on the part of the health officials and government. The facts that follow establish this as concisely as possible:
Nigeria’s first reported case of Ebola was an imported one, borne by the 40-year old Patrick Sawyer into Lagos via a flight from Monrovia, Liberia. Fortunately, he was suspected of having the virus and was hospitalized on arrival in Nigeria at the First Consultant Hospital, Obalende. Mr. Sawyer died 25 July having infected healthcare staff that had had close, unprotected contact with him prior to realizing he was infected. It was imperative then to initiate containment action against the virus and Nigerian health officials promptly swung into action.
By the 17th of September, records showed the total number of confirmed cases to be 19 with 7 deaths. There were 4 contacts still under surveillance in Lagos and 344 in Rivers State. Over 520 contacts had been discharged from surveillance following a symptom-free 21-day observation window. And by the 1st of October, these numbers remained except for additional two cases â one infection and one death, both marked as âprobableâ.
As impressive as they are, these numbers barely scratch the top of how much work went into the fight to contain Ebola. A doctor’s strike that had been underway for more than a month was temporarily suspended in early August to enable medical personnel help with the outbreak. A State of Emergency was declared, discouraging large gatherings and asking schools to extend summer holidays. As the outbreak continued, the doctor’s strike was cancelled (instead of suspended) and school closures were extended through mid-October. Isolation facilities and centers were established in different parts of the country â one 40-bed facility in Lagos, one 26-bed centre in Rivers state, seven hospitals in Delta state, a quarantine centre in Niger state â along with elaborate plans ongoing to expand on the infrastructure. Volunteers were raised and trained to become primary screeners while physicians underwent training to become secondary screeners, and to distinguish suspected cases of Ebola from other diseases. Thousands of people were screened per day per point of entry â land, sea and air.
The result? There have been no new cases of Ebola in Nigeria since August 31, a strong indication that the virus has been contained.
While the aid of foreign institutions like the Centre for Disease Control (CDC) and World Health Organization (WHO) cannot be discounted, most of the praise has reserved for Nigerian physicians like the late Dr. Stella Adadevoh and the Nigerian Ministry of Health headed by Prof. Onyebuchi Chukwu. In the words of a doctor with the Atlanta-based CDC, Dr Aileen Marty, â”The Nigerian government was wholeheartedly into the process of trying to solve the problem”
While the encomiums on the ebullient Dr. Adadevoh, who paid the ultimate price in the fight, and her colleagues are without suspect, much of those heaped on the Nigerian government are perhaps more in shock than anything else. Many have wondered at the energy that was mustered by the government in procuring and unleashing resources to fight Ebola; ‘the Nigerian government is incapable of such efficiency’, the disbelieving public has declared.
But is it really?
Dr. Marty of the CDC identified reasons which she thought aided the Nigerian battle against Ebola, and one such reason was that the disease was mostly limited to the wealthier population of Nigeria. “The person who brought the infection was a diplomat,” Marty said. “He was brought to one of the best hospitals in Nigeria, and the people who were infected were individuals who quickly comprehended the importance of following our recommendations.”
This train of thought was shared by a Nigerian who for the purposes of this piece, chose to remain anonymous. In his opinion, Ebola was battled so methodically and decisively because it struck at the heart of the upper social class of the society. “Otherwise why are lower class members of the society still dying daily from malaria and child labor?” he finished emphatically. Some other schools of thought would rather remain grateful – for the containment of Ebola – and hopeful – for the rest.
Whichever school of thought you choose to align with, one truth we can all agree on is that the Nigerian government has shown itself capable of excellence. Whether it was due process or a case of necessity mothering invention matters not at the moment; the country’s leaders have shown that if they put their mind to a task, they can achieve it. Much like the tortoise who claimed he couldn’t dance but was caught gyrating in the inner chambers of his hut to the beats of the moonlight drum, the Nigerian leaders must now dance the music of the gods in the market place. They must now answer a burdened peopleâs call to accountability par excellence.
But will they? Can they?
âI can do it! You can do it! If we put our minds to it!â
Extracts from:
How Nigeria contained its Ebola outbreak by Mark Gollom, MSN news.
International SOS report, October 2014.
I am @ojukwu_martin on twitter
In this month’s edition of ‘The Lectern’, Tobe Osigwe writes about sex, sex education and where we have got it all wrong…as of yet.Â
That we might read…
Plato the classical Greek philosopher believed that dramatists should be banished from the society. His reason was that dramatists are imitators of reality; therefore they are liars, thus, removed from the reality which they try to imitate. I think of a truth that dramatists are imitators of reality but I doubt if they are removed from it. If there is any group of people in our contemporary society that are removed from reality I think its most clergies and fanatical Christians. These people are miles away from reality. Not because they donât preach the truth but because they have mastered the skillful art of pretending away some truths.
However, if you think that our ever pontificating pastors are only those guilty of this habit of shying away from some truths, then you are sitting on a long thing. Topping the pretenders list are parents. Now, look at how our parents and pastors engage in this vocation of pretense. They will tell you things like, my dear fornication is a sin, donât allow any man touch you, donât have sex with any fellow that is not your spouse, keep yourself pure. While all these lines are true, the lie in it is, mere stating of it does not have power to stop one from abiding by it if the teller of the truth does not show how to uphold it. Rather, the teller of the truth has successfully aroused your desire and interest in testing the veracity of the truth.
I for one strongly believe that any problem you do not have a solution to you have no authority to shout from the tree top about the reality and existence of the problem. How can a parent tell the child or ward not to have sex while there is a sharp contrast if the child turns on the radio, TV, magazine, music, film? And, to crown it all, the parent is not curbing or monitoring the intake of such alternative agents of information. As if that is not enough, the child is shipped into a university, office, any other environment where the child is left in close proximity with the opposite sex and the hormones are all screaming and seething to be gratified thus placing the poor fellow in a hamlet situation of âto be or not to beâ.
For those at loss with the point I am driving at, itâs simple: itâs not enough to say, donât indulge in pre-marital sex; we have to go further by showing a practical and realistic way for one not to shine congo. In these days of intellectual enlightenment that people find it difficult to swallow axioms hook, line and sinker, one should not assert that something is bad and snooze off. Rather, there is a need to realistically explain why itâs bad and how to escape it for oneâs warning to be effective and result-oriented. Failure to do this you have not solved any problem but you have succeeded in making noise and worse still, alienating yourself from such youth who will see you as an anti in the quest of having fun.
Sex is one issue parents donât like to teach their children and when they do they simply gloss over with the hollow caveat âitâs badâ. Something so important and difficult to rise above its sweet temptation is funnily summarized in one straight jacket threat-loaded phrase: itâs bad. Itâs bad and so what? Lie is bad and people still lie every day, so is stealing, cheating, fighting and other vices. Methinks itâs pertinent we admit that the reality of one not indulging in pre-marital sex in the way our society is presently structured is as difficult as a Fulani herdsman passing JAMB in one sitting. Letâs face and accept this reality then find out how to overcome it.
If the present foregoing is true, then itâs totally ridiculous for parents to expect their children to turn out good without showing or beefing them up with the required skill set and properly monitoring them. In the light of present societal realities parents need to take charge in overcoming of some moral codes. You canât just sit down and expect people to remain chaste when there are overpowering modern day realities circumventing their power to remain clean.
Now letâs look at the following modern day realities; a full grown man of about 30 years is living in his own apartment, he pays his own bills and for reason best known to him he has been in an intimate relationship with a lady for two good years without hope of marriage and you tell them pre-marital sex is a sin.
Also, an unemployed youth who is sitting around at home is visited daily by a fellow unemployed youth and they gist away their unemployed time. I leave you to do the math of the end result of their unemployed gist. What of a lady who is in the university, her parents are no longer privy of her whereabouts, she feels she has fallen in love after some guy whispered some sweet nonsense into her ears and you think she will not…? *coughs*. Or a cute guy joins his church choir and at each rehearsal he sits closely with one beautiful church girl and they become brother and sister in the lord. And as we are all aware, hormones do not repent. Do you think they will notâŚ? *coughs again*.
Letâs face it. So many things inevitably bring the opposite sex together these days. So many factors make people keep late night these days, so many styles of socially acceptable dressing, songs, films and activities, religious ones inclusive, make one think of sex every minute of the day nowadays. Also, itâs no longer a secret that parents no longer have a firm grip on their children or know their itinerary – no thanks to civilization. Trying to deny these facts is akin to denying that there is a mystery being who has a mind of its own in between your thighs. And, believing that people can behave modestly despite all these facts by mere warning that sex is bad is like keeping a yam with a goat and expecting the goat to be reasonable.
Trying to shy away from reality with some biblical truths minus sincere practical step is the staple product of most post-modernist day Nigerian parents or should I say Christians- I believe thatâs why over -zealous church goers remain the easiest set of people to sleep with once the perfect opportunity shows up. Little wonder most randy pastors and some smart folks are having a field day sampling the Lordâs vineyard.
Parents should understand that helping their children to plan their future will help greatly in curbing pre-marital sex. If one knows that at the age of 24 or thereabout, he is sure to be financially and emotionally responsible, and therefore ready for marriage, I believe the issue of premarital sex will be history. After all, nobody enjoys doing bad, but one resorts to it when one runs out of alternative good deeds or when one is visionless, deluded and ignorant.
To this end, with my short experience, I think the only way one can shy away from pre-marital sex is to flee from it via avoiding intimate relationship, sexually suggestive films, songs, raunchy friends, profaned environment and less of social media. But the fact remains, the longer you run and flee, like every other race, the weaker you become. Yes, each time you add a year, your defenses against withstanding the enticing darts of sexual intimacy and gratification reduce unless you have tasted it and have grown weary of crossing the Rubicon. Or you have resorted to some other secret but perverse way of gratifying this legitimate desire. Or perhaps, the Creator has given you a special grace to withstand sexual urges. But such people are few and rare.
May GOD open our eyes of understanding.
BY: Tobe Osigwe (@OsigweTobe)
If you have a piece you would like to post at ‘The Lectern’, send it in a mail titled ‘The Lectern’ to ojukwumartin@gmail.com. If you want to âbe readâ but are yet undecided about a subject matter, send me an email too and we can work up something appropriate for you.
“I am @ojukwu_martin on twitter”
I have not seen any subsequent messages, separating the preacher from the message below which was culled from https://www.facebook.com/tbjministries. I have highlighted in BOLD, for your anointed reading pleasure, my favorite paragraph of the entire message.
SUNDAY 28.09.2014
Good morning church and viewers all over the world. I want to thank you for your prayer and your love for the victims and relations of all those involved in the incident.
The battle is for the Lord. I really want to thank God. God has been doing so much. We need to know a thousand victories, all the way long. Glory and honour to God Almighty.
For those who are outside the Lord, they would not know. When you are outside God, you will not know what I am talking about. When you are outside the light, you canât understand what I am talking about.
For the three weeks before the incident, if you heard my message and sat down, you would know I was giving you a vision and prophetic Word on how to handle the situation at hand. Trials and tests are meant for our belief. I go by the directives of God.
I salute the martyrs of faith and the victims. I also salute their relations. My love and my prayers are always with them. The martyrs, victims and their relations, what they would like to see is the work of God continue. That is what they died for, suffered for and are living for.
From your heart, commit the relations of the martyrs to God. Ask God to strengthen them and open their understanding more to know and understand what happened here. Ask God to give them the grace to continue in God. In Him we live; in Him we move. Ask God to give them the grace to continue the work of salvation.
Remember the victims in one way or the other and ask for Godâs intervention. Ask God for His power of resurrection within them and outside them, in Jesus Christâs name we pray.
Remain silent and give thanks to God, within you. I want you to change your confession and give thanks to God.
Listen to God, not men. Donât let your faith be disturbed. If anyone wants to disturb your faith with their negative words and message, remember God. See the need of God the more. See the need of serving the Lord the more, the need of moving closer to Him.
Donât be disturbed. Pray for the relations; pray for the victims. That is your assignment â your love and prayer for the victims and the relations of the martyrs. That is your duty at this time.
Donât allow yourself to be used by satan. If you do, satan will use his people to run to you and disturb you the more. This is an opportunity for them to disturb your faith with their negative words. Those who hate you and those who want you to die will run after you because of this issue. It is not that they love you but they want to see your countenance, your appearance, how you look and whether you are worried. Never allow this. Remember Jesus. Donât change your words in a moment. Jesus is Lord.
What you saw happen – God is aware. If God is aware, who else is aware does not matter. The martyrs, victims and relations want to see your faith grow; they want to see the work of salvation and the work of God in your life continue. They want to see you serve the Lord the more. The only way you can allow the work of God to continue is to be with yourself and God, not to allow intruders and people around you to advise you and tell you what to do when they could not stop what happened.
I pray the satanic agents should be the only ones to suffer this. I said, our God will get back to them. Warn your family and brothers about their talk. You will know I am a man of God this time. People who are looking for your downfall and run to disturb your spirit, warn them to be careful of their tongues and the people who come to them. God is a God of vengeance â anybody can go for it.
You cannot help me, only God. Donât disturb me; please leave me with God. You will see the outcome. I am saying this so that only the people who did this will suffer for it and you will not in any way suffer for it. The people who are writing whatever they are saying – all of us will see the outcome of this. Leave it for God.
I have been on this journey for 27 years. Do you think God can close His eyes and rubbish everything here? They are asking God to bring more evidence of whether He is the One who called me. Warn everyone to be very careful. This issue at hand is a delicate issue.
People are using all this to gain money and friends. This is a warning. Whatever anybody wants to write, let them write it; they will be the ones to read it.
I said, our God will get back to them. He has started somewhere. He is coming. If your brother is involved, unless he can resurrect the people who died, he will join them. If you can resurrect the people who died, you can go free. The servants, the people who sent them, the people who heard the stories all around and those who want to use it for themselves and disturb my spirit, you may likely join them. Be careful. To be forewarned is to be forearmed. Let us be very careful of our tongue.
Your responsibility is to the victims and the relations of the victims and martyrs of faith. If you say you are born again, wherever the victims and their relations are, wherever the relations of the martyrs of faith are, look for them. Let them know you are praying for them. What you eat, let them eat it. What you wear, let them wear out of it. What you have on your table, let them have it on their table, too. Share what you have with them â your love, prayer, affection and strength. Share it with them at this time. This is what we call âborn againâ â my pain is your pain. Your joy is my joy.
The multitudes of people who claim to be with T.B. Joshua in prayer â if the same people turn to the families of the victims and martyrs of faith, do you not think life would be better for them than before? Join them, look for them, as many others are doing now.
GOD BLESS NIGERIA!
I am @ojukwu_martin on twitter
Chisom Ojukwu - Words are Work 