Season II of the ‘This Thing Called’ series is here and it will feature five (5) TTC posts each spaced two weeks from the next. It’s been much harder keeping up blogging with the new job but I made a commitment to Usonwa and I shall keep it, come warm breeze or cool weather. More especially now that I have you too. It’s a lot of encouragement knowing that you always read and appreciate my work so do more sharing and commenting! 🙂
Now the first in the TTC series: Season II…
This Thing Called…Love languages
I wish I could claim it was me but Dr. Gary Chapman, Christian counselor and author, was the one who invented the term ‘love language’ when he published his book, The Five Love Languages. In it, he defined a love language as a medium of communicating love, as well as – he made sure to add – expressing it. He enumerated and explained the five ways all of which we will now attempt to understand:
- Words of affirmation:
You could also go for a subtle “Boo, you smell nice!” or just let it rip with “Chai nne, your hips don’t lie for real!”.
it also doesn’t have to end with looks. Try telling her “baby, if this your rice na motor, it is Bugatti…ah swear!” even if it is probably a lime-green keke napep; also say to him, “Darling, this your haircut na presidential oh” even though it makes his ogo bulge like a magnanimous, very cheerful pimple.
Just affirm…say it!
- Quality time:
(so she walks in on him watching soccer in the living room. She joins him on the sofa)
He: you have come to watch those tatashi kardashian babes bah?
She: no (snuggles closer)
He: Oh, Telemundo?
She: no, this one is fine.
He: which one is fine? (points at the tv) this one? F.O.O.T.ball match?
She: ehn nah…
He: Beht why? (genuinely worried) What have I done this time?
She: (laughs) Nothing joor. Today, I want to watch anything you’re watching. Oya stop whining…oh oh oh, see Denrele has scored oh…GOOOAAALLLL.
Shut your eyes, brothers and let us pray:
Dear Lord Almighty. we will forgive the audacity of imagining Denrele on a football field, we will even forgive when they gush over Cristiano Ronaldo’s packs – you could consider paralyzing his arms anytime he wants to rip his shirts off shaa. But yes Lord, we will forgive all of those…only make women more like this…
Make them less like this…
and please oh, NEVER like this…
No matter how much you pretend or/and say that it doesn’t matter, we all know that there is a mushy some’n some’n about an item given you by that special someborri. It could be
mind-blowing MAD expensive…
not expensive at all…
or downright silly…
- Acts of service:
She: I want to eat pounded yam.
He: Ok, there’s this new place in Ikoyi where…
She: no! I want you to pound it yourself (pout)
I sincerely sympathize with you, bro…and every other man who is stuck in this situation. I sympathize because if it is really what does it for her, you have to do it. I can guarantee you though, that afterwards you won’t so readily ooh and aah with the rest of us over Tiwa Savage…
It matters to him/her, yes? Do it!
- Physical touch:
Pick your minds out of the gutter…it is not always sex; it could be a simple
A good ol’…
Sex of course, is a very essential angle to the physical but it is my
unsolicited opinion that it quickly loses its appeal in the absence of ‘innocent’ touches.
So touch him/her today!
According to Dr. Chapman, few people elect for one, some are comfortable with two or three while the rest – like me 😉 – communicate love in all five languages. He also brazenly stated that the languages are exhaustive, i.e. expression of all the love in the whole world must be by at least one of them.
People have tried to prove him wrong – myself inclusive – but have failed. Feel free to try, and if you can come up with a medium of expressing love that doesn’t fall under one of words, quality time, gifts, acts of service or touch, I owe you an entire blog post.
It is important to remember that the crux of This Thing Called love languages is embedded in the simple idea but very difficult practice of selflessness – the core foundation of love. What does she want most? What does he like? How can I make her happy?
To answer these questions however, you must know the answers as they apply to you. The reason is the same as why ‘self’ starts the word ‘selfless’.
Do you know the answers then? For you, I mean. What do you want from a partner? How do you like to be treated by the one you love and who loves you? Then, how do you show someone you love them back?
I did a mini-poll to help you out…
For Fave, it’s all about attention. So long as she’s ‘into’ the guy, she values attention – she will give it and expect to be given back in return. Gifts too. Another friend by name of Alex was bitten by the same attention bug as Fave because he is partial to undivided attention as well; that and unceasing smiles. Maybe we can hook them up, aye?
Then there is Ud, a beautiful lady who doesn’t want too much. The best way to let Ud know you’re besotted with her is through calls and frequently saying sweet ‘nothings’.
Uche on his part speaks the love language of touch – now that’s a guy I can agree with! He communicates his affection by touching, often subconsciously. He also favors quality time because he always keeps in touch.
Mefy though, does not buy the whole touch agenda. “Touching would wear off once you’ve been together for a long time” she says. “My love language is doing; if I were genuinely in love, I would make sacrifices and put my partner’s happiness before mine” She nearly bought me over, I’ll confess, if not for the anti-touch agenda.
Tobe is yet to clock 27 but he is very ‘elderly’, you’ll understand how in a bit. He doesn’t fuss over much else but honesty. His love language he says, “is openness…I expect the same too because it helps us understand each other better”
Anyi comes close but not too much. In showing his love, he neglects his partner’s faults, patiently assists her to be a better person while allowing her do same to him, behaves and dresses well around her, calls her sweet pet names and of course, spends some cash when needed. I don’t know if the right conjunction to use here is ‘and’ or ‘but’ but he literally becomes her slave (shudder)
For Kaka, it’s all about the pampering, “More like spoiling” she quickly adds, “and it doesn’t have to be with money”. Bobos are jubilating I’m sure, but the best part is this: “It goes both ways for me. I will spoil you too and make it seem effortless; I’d like it if you did the same.” Can I hear a ‘CHAI’ someborri???
Samantha is about a lot of things as far as love goes – respect, support, doing things with her partner that they both like, and majorly – wait for it – pampering.
Really, what is it with full-grown women and pampers?
“I will pamper him oh” Sam says, “but mine will be more as the lady. I will not tire from being pampered. Little things like that matter to me; plus I love being treated like a queen”
If you’re thinking ‘lawd have mercy’, you should hold it because Ezinma is more. She is in fact, multilingual. She likes random texts and calls from her partner who should also play and be childish with her. She wants to be bought stuff – expensive or not – and she feels loved when her partner does something for her and tells her it’s for her.
I said, M.U.L.T.I.lingual!
“My love language is also words” the delightful Ezinma continues, “I know that I know but tell me you love me. When we are apart, bridge the gap…I don’t want to miss you, not too much. And when we are together, take me out, do breakfast in bed and take my feet sometimes. Of course, I would do all these for you too”.
And a lot of guys be like…
But hey, it’s a free world of love and love languages. You should click down below in the comments to share your answers to these questions.
Do you believe in This Thing Called Love Languages? What is your love language?
I am @ojukwu_martin on twitter