This Thing Called…Love languages

Dear you,

Season II of the ‘This Thing Called’ series is here and it will feature five (5) TTC posts each spaced two weeks from the next. It’s been much harder keeping up blogging with the new job but I made a commitment to Usonwa and I shall keep it, come warm breeze or cool weather. More especially now that I have you too. It’s a lot of encouragement knowing that you always read and appreciate my work so do more sharing and commenting! 🙂

Now the first in the TTC series: Season II…


 

This Thing Called…Love languages

I wish I could claim it was me but Dr. Gary Chapman, Christian counselor and author, was the one who invented the term ‘love language’ when he published his book, The Five Love Languages. In it, he defined a love language as a medium of communicating love, as well as – he made sure to add – expressing it. He enumerated and explained the five ways all of which we will now attempt to understand:

 

  1. Words of affirmation:

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You could also go for a subtle “Boo, you smell nice!” or just let it rip with “Chai nne, your hips don’t lie for real!”.

it also doesn’t have to end with looks. Try telling her “baby, if this your rice na motor, it is Bugatti…ah swear!” even if it is probably a lime-green keke napep; also say to him, “Darling, this your haircut na presidential oh” even though it makes his ogo bulge like a magnanimous, very cheerful pimple.

Just affirm…say it!

 

  1. Quality time:

(so she walks in on him watching soccer in the living room. She joins him on the sofa)

He: you have come to watch those tatashi kardashian babes bah?

She: no (snuggles closer)

He: Oh, Telemundo?

She: no, this one is fine.

He: which one is fine? (points at the tv) this one? F.O.O.T.ball match?

She: ehn nah…

He: Beht why? (genuinely worried) What have I done this time?

She: (laughs) Nothing joor. Today, I want to watch anything you’re watching. Oya stop whining…oh oh oh, see Denrele has scored oh…GOOOAAALLLL.

Shut your eyes, brothers and let us pray:

Dear Lord Almighty. we will forgive the audacity of imagining Denrele on a football field, we will even forgive when they gush over Cristiano Ronaldo’s packs – you could consider paralyzing his arms anytime he wants to rip his shirts off shaa. But yes Lord, we will forgive all of those…only make women more like this…

couple05 and couple02

Make them less like this…

couple03

and please oh, NEVER like this…

woman

AMEN!

  1. Gifts:

No matter how much you pretend or/and say that it doesn’t matter, we all know that there is a mushy some’n some’n about an item given you by that special someborri. It could be mind-blowing MAD expensive…

gift03

just expensive…

gift05

not expensive at all…

gift01 or gift06

or downright silly…

gift02

Just give!

  1. Acts of service:

gift08

She: I want to eat pounded yam.

He: Ok, there’s this new place in Ikoyi where…

She: no! I want you to pound it yourself (pout)

Hememe03

 

I sincerely sympathize with you, bro…and every other man who is stuck in this situation. I sympathize because if it is really what does it for her, you have to do it. I can guarantee you though, that afterwards you won’t so readily ooh and aah with the rest of us over Tiwa Savage…

gift10

It matters to him/her, yes? Do it!

 

 

  1. Physical touch:

Pick your minds out of the gutter…it is not always sex; it could be a simple

touch02  or touch03

A good ol’…

touch04

or simply…

touch05

Sex of course, is a very essential angle to the physical but it is my unsolicited opinion that it quickly loses its appeal in the absence of ‘innocent’ touches.

So touch him/her today!

 

According to Dr. Chapman, few people elect for one, some are comfortable with two or three while the rest – like me 😉 – communicate love in all five languages. He also brazenly stated that the languages are exhaustive, i.e. expression of all the love in the whole world must be by at least one of them.

People have tried to prove him wrong – myself inclusive – but have failed. Feel free to try, and if you can come up with a medium of expressing love that doesn’t fall under one of words, quality time, gifts, acts of service or touch, I owe you an entire blog post.

 

It is important to remember that the crux of This Thing Called love languages is embedded in the simple idea but very difficult practice of selflessness – the core foundation of love. What does she want most? What does he like? How can I make her happy?

To answer these questions however, you must know the answers as they apply to you. The reason is the same as why ‘self’ starts the word ‘selfless’.

Do you know the answers then? For you, I mean. What do you want from a partner? How do you like to be treated by the one you love and who loves you? Then, how do you show someone you love them back?

I did a mini-poll to help you out…

For Fave, it’s all about attention. So long as she’s ‘into’ the guy, she values attention – she will give it and expect to be given back in return. Gifts too. Another friend by name of Alex was bitten by the same attention bug as Fave because he is partial to undivided attention as well; that and unceasing smiles. Maybe we can hook them up, aye?

Then there is Ud, a beautiful lady who doesn’t want too much. The best way to let Ud know you’re besotted with her is through calls and frequently saying sweet ‘nothings’.

 

Uche on his part speaks the love language of touch – now that’s a guy I can agree with! He communicates his affection by touching, often subconsciously. He also favors quality time because he always keeps in touch.

Mefy though, does not buy the whole touch agenda. “Touching would wear off once you’ve been together for a long time” she says. “My love language is doing; if I were genuinely in love, I would make sacrifices and put my partner’s happiness before mine” She nearly bought me over, I’ll confess, if not for the anti-touch agenda.

 

Tobe is yet to clock 27 but he is very ‘elderly’, you’ll understand how in a bit. He doesn’t fuss over much else but honesty. His love language he says, “is openness…I expect the same too because it helps us understand each other better”

Anyi comes close but not too much. In showing his love, he neglects his partner’s faults, patiently assists her to be a better person while allowing her do same to him, behaves and dresses well around her, calls her sweet pet names and of course, spends some cash when needed. I don’t know if the right conjunction to use here is ‘and’ or ‘but’ but he literally becomes her slave (shudder)

 

For Kaka, it’s all about the pampering, “More like spoiling” she quickly adds, “and it doesn’t have to be with money”. Bobos are jubilating I’m sure, but the best part is this: “It goes both ways for me. I will spoil you too and make it seem effortless; I’d like it if you did the same.” Can I hear a ‘CHAI’ someborri???

Samantha is about a lot of things as far as love goes – respect, support, doing things with her partner that they both like, and majorly – wait for it – pampering.

meme (2)

 

Really, what is it with full-grown women and pampers?

“I will pamper him oh” Sam says, “but mine will be more as the lady. I will not tire from being pampered. Little things like that matter to me; plus I love being treated like a queen”

If you’re thinking ‘lawd have mercy’, you should hold it because Ezinma is more. She is in fact, multilingual. She likes random texts and calls from her partner who should also play and be childish with her. She wants to be bought stuff – expensive or not – and she feels loved when her partner does something for her and tells her it’s for her.

meme(03)

I said, M.U.L.T.I.lingual!

“My love language is also words” the delightful Ezinma continues, “I know that I know but tell me you love me. When we are apart, bridge the gap…I don’t want to miss you, not too much. And when we are together, take me out, do breakfast in bed and take my feet sometimes. Of course, I would do all these for you too”.

And a lot of guys be like…

meme05

But hey, it’s a free world of love and love languages. You should click down below in the comments to share your answers to these questions.

Do you believe in This Thing Called Love Languages? What is your love language?

 

I am @ojukwu_martin on twitter

RAISING THE BANNER

I miss the days I spent serving in Osun state as a youth corps member. I miss the anonymity of dissolving into the background amongst Yoruba-speaking people; I miss the special treatment being Igbo brought me, especially among the elderly female locales; I miss the palm wine and bush meat, and – even though I never thought it possible – I miss having bananas in every meal.

What I miss most of all, however, is the people I worked and became friends with during that year. Peculiar among the friends I had was this group of people who went by the name of ‘Grace, Vision and Unity (G.V.U.)’ Their motto? Working towards a better Nigeria.

I know, right? 🙂 First time I heard the full meaning of that acronym and the accompanying words, I thought it was corny too. But then I worked with them on a number of projects and this is what I now have to say:

 

Dreams grow every day in this country; many never see the light of day, many are beheaded upon first showing, some limp along to an eventual unavoidable death; and a few bloom to full maturity, showered by national and even global admiration.

The dream of G.V.U. has at least survived the first showing, give them that. They might not last even as long as Ernest Shonekan did as Head of State; maybe they are just another flash in the pan. Again, G.V.U. just might live long and strong like Nelson Mandela, and bloom before our eyes into a founding pillar of that Nigeria we all dream of.

Whatever the case will turn out to be, we cannot say now. So rather than attempt to predict the future – no one can these days, not even T.B. Joshua! – I choose to focus on the now, and on the ‘how well so far’.

So on that matter, G.V.U. is doing great. The brilliance of its luminescence is a streak of hope that invigorates the mind. We, you should agree, could do with more of that.

It is on the strength of this conviction that I present to you, my cherished readers, G.V.U.’s latest project: (drumroll pleeeaazze)…

Nigeria: Awakening Her Hope (NAHH)

NAHHIMG-20140910-WA0014

Theme: Raising the Banner of Integrity

 Oluwadamilola Oligbinde is the beautiful, lively coordinator of the NAHH project and a great friend; over the past week, we spoke about the project and by the time we were through, I felt nearly as impassioned about it.

In Dami’s words, “NAHH aims to reach out to our fellow youths and educate them, riding on the principle that by culturing one individual, one cultures an entire community.

When asked to elaborate on her use of the word ‘culture’, “the culture we want to teach here is HOPE”, she said. “In light of recent events, hope is required now more than ever in our country. If properly cultured into the energetic and enlightened minds of the Nigerian youths, the fire of hope will burn as strong as the flames that will rise when a lit match is dropped in the middle of dry shrubs at harmattan”

The event is scheduled to hold on Saturday, 4th of October, 2014 at the Yusuf Grillo auditorium, Yaba College of Technology, Lagos. Time is 10am to 5pm.

While coming, you might want to come in attires primarily showcasing the THREE colors – green, white and green. The colors have been chosen for the day in honor of the nation’s 54th year of independence and as a show of good faith in our ability to ‘awaken her hope’

 

PERKS?

Interactive group discussions will be moderated by passionate YOUNG speakers like Kehinde Olanrewaju, Matthew Adedoyin, Mosope Opeyemi and Chisom Sam Orji. The way I see it, it’s time we had more discussions than lectures; NAHH brings that.

There would also be drama, dance, poetry and a workshop with training sessions on public speaking, photography & cinematography, graphics & animation, fashion designer, make up & modeling, baking.

According to G.V.U., the workshop sessions will not be vigorous but hey, it’s still a lot. Plus, it’s FREE!

 

For further inquiries about NAHH, send your emails to info@nahhng.com or orosschoks@gmail.com.

You may also call Dami on 080-9979-1370, Timothy on 081-3780-4939 or Oross on 07011673395.

 

 

Disclaimer: This is not a paid advertisement. Not that I don’t do paid adverts oh – CALL ME! 🙂 What it is is one way of reminding us all that “evil thrives in a society when the good men do nothing”

 Prick me @ojukwu_martin on twirra