PQ

Hi hi hi 🙂 Yes I missed you more, thank you.

Flavour’s ‘Golibe’ and Solid Star’s ‘Oluchi’ were on repeat on both my phone and laptop through the entire holidays. If you know wassup that should hint you on the state of my heart affairs. And you – yes, you – are a major reason for that joy. For reading, liking, sharing, and commenting on my posts as epileptic as they were, I couldn’t possible thank you enough. An entire epistle could be written but it still wouldn’t adequately capture how thankful I am. So I’ll keep doing this – writing – and hope you outdo yourself in reading, liking, commenting on and sharing my posts going forward.  

This year, our WAW experience shoots off with this short piece which both is and is not a personal experience. There’s a lesson buried somewhere in it and I hope you find it. ‘The Lectern’ continues tomorrow for the fifth month running, and standing at the lectern will be Emma Akaeze, an especially gifted young man who I am honoured to say, is a good friend and brother. You want to read what Emma has to write, I assure you. 

In this week too, we’ll be starting off on a short series with Uche Anichebe, you know the sweet lawyer babe from here. What do you know, turns out she writes fiction too, very good fiction. I have struggled to find the words to qualify that story, but all I can come up with is this: it is a story that could only have been so told by a female, a deep feeling female.

You dey feel my ginger this new year abi? 🙂 See ehn, even if this my IGG (initial gragra) will eventually fizzle out mid-year, make we start first. At all at all na im be winch.

And on that note, I present the first WAW post for 2015 – PQ.

Enjoy, like, share and don’t forget to let me know what you think in the comments section. Fantastic new year ahead!


PQ

mad woman03

It’s weird how you always wake just before your alarm starts to beep. Every morning. This one is no different. As you disentangle your frame from the sheets, you wonder – like you do every morning – why you ever bought the damn thing. You’re done bathing in ten minutes, dressed in another ten and out the door in five; breakfast became history since NYSC days.

She is right there when you turn the corner. Today, her skirt is a ‘glowing’ white; its wooly shroud hangs on by a bare string woven through its waistline, and it billows around her, grabbing at her stockinged ankles again and again, like williwilli. Her blouse is a different shade of white – more cream than white really – and it hangs on her scrawny frame like every other piece of clothing you have seen her wear, loose and wrinkled.

PQ is what everyone calls her – Prophet Queen – and she is bellowing into the ‘microphone’ held in one hand.

“Sinners! Sinners all of you! Bad people. Maaad people.” She spits. “You better go home now. Go back home and pray for yourself. Pray for your mother too, she brought you into this evil place!”

You remember that you didn’t say your morning prayers. Well you heard PQ, go home and pray. You chuckle to yourself, but very carefully so that there is no sign of amusement on your face. Right after she lambasted a neighbor who had dared, by reeling out yards and yards of his private stories for everyone to hear, the whole estate had learnt never to laugh when PQ was ‘ministering’.

Meanwhile PQ continues: “Lamentations Chapter two to six, I am the Lord, your God…think not what I can do for you; think what you can do for me”

Then she made that whining sound that always preceded a pirouette, and that in turn always preceded a series of jerks which apparently was the Almighty leaving her body. But only for a while, she would quickly remind everybody.

“It is me Queen,” she announces her return to her body, “Queen of the ghost! And you have heard my words of extortion.”

Somebody really needed to tell her, you think, that it’s exhorta- not extor-, and coast not ghost, and that most importantly, it was bad for business to be queen of the coast in these environs. But who would tell? Certainly not you.

“Look at you people,” she is still yelling into the dead piece of wood that is her mouthpiece. “Where do you think you are going? Is it not the same work you went to yesterday? And day before yesterday? And day before day before yesterday?”

She lets out a raucous laughter. “Stop fooling yourself! Let me tell you, you are rushing to hell. Hell fayyaaaaaa! So better come here and confess your sins.”

She moves a few steps backwards, and perches her bum on the stump of what used to be a street lamp. Then she waits.

People are passing by, a lot of them still in a hurry, pretending she isn’t there. But PQ doesn’t mind; from her throne of mercy she has raised her staff in the air. Her lips are moving at rapid-fire speed, the words inaudible. Her staff repeatedly slashes the air, bestowing signs of the cross upon every passerby.

You stop and drop a crinkly hundred naira note into the bag that is open in front of her station. You have always wanted to do that but you never have change to spare in the mornings. You are glad you have spare change today because besides pebbles and some other oddities, yours is the bag’s only content. PQ acknowledges you with a sign of the cross and moves on to the next rushing passerby.

You are hurt. You alone after all stopped to give her money; surely she could have done more than one cross? An extra sign of the cross maybe, or a nod, or even a special word of benediction can’t be too much to ask?

You want to bend and retrieve your money, but you advice yourself appropriately on second thoughts. The vex never reach to enter craze. Onye ara, you curse under your breath as you shuffle away. Mad woman.

You are nearly past the estate gate when the words of her inaudible incantations flow, carried by the winds, into your ears. She says them over and over again;

There are two black birds

Sitting on the wall

One named Tunde, one named Paul

Fly away Tunde, fly away Paul

Come back Tunde, come back Paul

Oh come back birds and sit on the wall…

A smile splits your face in two as you step up to the road and hail a keke.

Your name is Tunde.

Chisom

MESSAGE FROM TB Joshua

I have not seen any subsequent messages, separating the preacher from the message below which was culled from https://www.facebook.com/tbjministries. I have highlighted in BOLD, for your anointed reading pleasure, my favorite paragraph of the entire message.

TBJoshua

SUNDAY 28.09.2014
Good morning church and viewers all over the world. I want to thank you for your prayer and your love for the victims and relations of all those involved in the incident.

The battle is for the Lord. I really want to thank God. God has been doing so much. We need to know a thousand victories, all the way long. Glory and honour to God Almighty.

For those who are outside the Lord, they would not know. When you are outside God, you will not know what I am talking about. When you are outside the light, you can’t understand what I am talking about.

For the three weeks before the incident, if you heard my message and sat down, you would know I was giving you a vision and prophetic Word on how to handle the situation at hand. Trials and tests are meant for our belief. I go by the directives of God.

I salute the martyrs of faith and the victims. I also salute their relations. My love and my prayers are always with them. The martyrs, victims and their relations, what they would like to see is the work of God continue. That is what they died for, suffered for and are living for.

From your heart, commit the relations of the martyrs to God. Ask God to strengthen them and open their understanding more to know and understand what happened here. Ask God to give them the grace to continue in God. In Him we live; in Him we move. Ask God to give them the grace to continue the work of salvation.

Remember the victims in one way or the other and ask for God’s intervention. Ask God for His power of resurrection within them and outside them, in Jesus Christ’s name we pray.

Remain silent and give thanks to God, within you. I want you to change your confession and give thanks to God.

Listen to God, not men. Don’t let your faith be disturbed. If anyone wants to disturb your faith with their negative words and message, remember God. See the need of God the more. See the need of serving the Lord the more, the need of moving closer to Him.

Don’t be disturbed. Pray for the relations; pray for the victims. That is your assignment – your love and prayer for the victims and the relations of the martyrs. That is your duty at this time.

Don’t allow yourself to be used by satan. If you do, satan will use his people to run to you and disturb you the more. This is an opportunity for them to disturb your faith with their negative words. Those who hate you and those who want you to die will run after you because of this issue. It is not that they love you but they want to see your countenance, your appearance, how you look and whether you are worried. Never allow this. Remember Jesus. Don’t change your words in a moment. Jesus is Lord.

What you saw happen – God is aware. If God is aware, who else is aware does not matter. The martyrs, victims and relations want to see your faith grow; they want to see the work of salvation and the work of God in your life continue. They want to see you serve the Lord the more. The only way you can allow the work of God to continue is to be with yourself and God, not to allow intruders and people around you to advise you and tell you what to do when they could not stop what happened.

I pray the satanic agents should be the only ones to suffer this. I said, our God will get back to them. Warn your family and brothers about their talk. You will know I am a man of God this time. People who are looking for your downfall and run to disturb your spirit, warn them to be careful of their tongues and the people who come to them. God is a God of vengeance – anybody can go for it.

You cannot help me, only God. Don’t disturb me; please leave me with God. You will see the outcome. I am saying this so that only the people who did this will suffer for it and you will not in any way suffer for it. The people who are writing whatever they are saying – all of us will see the outcome of this. Leave it for God.

I have been on this journey for 27 years. Do you think God can close His eyes and rubbish everything here? They are asking God to bring more evidence of whether He is the One who called me. Warn everyone to be very careful. This issue at hand is a delicate issue.

People are using all this to gain money and friends. This is a warning. Whatever anybody wants to write, let them write it; they will be the ones to read it.

I said, our God will get back to them. He has started somewhere. He is coming. If your brother is involved, unless he can resurrect the people who died, he will join them. If you can resurrect the people who died, you can go free. The servants, the people who sent them, the people who heard the stories all around and those who want to use it for themselves and disturb my spirit, you may likely join them. Be careful. To be forewarned is to be forearmed. Let us be very careful of our tongue.

Your responsibility is to the victims and the relations of the victims and martyrs of faith. If you say you are born again, wherever the victims and their relations are, wherever the relations of the martyrs of faith are, look for them. Let them know you are praying for them. What you eat, let them eat it. What you wear, let them wear out of it. What you have on your table, let them have it on their table, too. Share what you have with them – your love, prayer, affection and strength. Share it with them at this time. This is what we call ‘born again’ – my pain is your pain. Your joy is my joy.

The multitudes of people who claim to be with T.B. Joshua in prayer – if the same people turn to the families of the victims and martyrs of faith, do you not think life would be better for them than before? Join them, look for them, as many others are doing now.

 

GOD BLESS NIGERIA!

I am @ojukwu_martin on twitter