www picture


You steal a glance over your right shoulder at the door. It stays shut. You turn back to your laptop.

.xnx …

Your right pointer hovers over the next key. Your breathing slows almost to a stop; while your heart drums itself silly, you feel moistness form on your forehead. You fight it, with all the might you can muster. But it happens again: the thumps in your chest go up a notch per passing second; you are sure that in another minute, your heart will be lying on the bed beside you, wet, red and raw.

You know what will happen next if you let it, the visions will follow. So you do the only thing you know will take the pain away. You strike ‘Delete’.

And just like that, you are calm again.


The first time it happened was the week after that Saturday afternoon when you, Ebele and Kunle from next door lay huddled in front of your laptop. The three of you lay flat on the bed, elbows propping up your chins, as the unfolding scenes of nudity reflected flashes of colour on your enraptured faces. You called it a ‘porn stroll’, PS for short, and it was your ‘guy’ thing. Each of you was thoroughly engrossed, so you did not hear her come in.


You jumped. Three arms stretched for the screen but in the jumble of limbs, a knobby elbow shot up the volume. For a split second, noone moved, as moans and shrieks of ‘do it, baby … do it harder!’ filled the small room. Ebele – or was it you – was the first to recover and slam the lid shut.

There were whispers in the estate that PQ knew what everybody was up to, especially the dark hidden things. Nobody ever figured out how come, nobody tried. Later when it occurred to you to wonder how she had gone past the gateman, dogs and into your room way in the back on the first floor – wasn’t the door locked? – you would be even more disturbed.

At the time however, the three of you stood in a short line before the intruder. You felt her eyes switch between the top of your bent head, and the bulge in your crotch you tried so hard to hide.

Tueh!” you flinched at the disgust laden in the gesture. “Children are dying of hunger in Chibok,” she said, “and you are here wasting precious MB!”


Frustrated, you slam your laptop screen shut. PQ has cursed you, you just know it.

Or how else would you explain the fact that since that encounter, the moment you so much as contemplated a porn-stroll, you got a panic attack followed by visions of hungry-looking children lined up with rusty bowls before a laptop screen.

And on the laptop screen, it always said,

“MB unloading


“If internet data were food, a lot more people would starve … eat your MB today!”


16 thoughts on “www

  1. Hahahahahahahahaa!!!
    Nwa Ojukwu, God knows I have missed you and your writing with all my heart! The moment I saw the title ‘www’ and then read the first line, I knew this would be a narration of that first time I discovered porn and would sneak out of bed in the middle of the night to the computer in the dining room, and click open the several folders I opened to hide THAT special folder, to then open that one porn flick and alternate between the delight of watching such lewdness on screen and terror that my sharp-eared mother would hear the subdued volume all the way from her bedroom and come out to investigate.
    Twas such a rush.

    Have I mentioned that I’ve missed you? 🙂

    • Hehehehe, we get a live confession from Chief Ude! Where’s the ‘Certificate of Shamelessness’ distribution committee?lol
      My guess is we all had similar experiences, but the risk shaa, if your mother had ever EVER come out and caught you, nko? I refuse to imagine me and my maama in that scene. *shudder*

      Nna m, I missed you too, I missed this space. It was a combo of work stress, laziness and www issues. And by the latter, I mean internet issues, not porn issues – nwa ojoo!

      Thanks a lot, bro. Glad you enjoyed this one.

  2. Nice one here…
    If only MB were food.
    Just tried imagining hungry chibok children all lined up in front of a laptop…waiting for food.

  3. Mehn, that was awesone. Then, when I ‘mistakenly’ watch it, I feel like straggling myself. Must go to confession and will spend a year thinking how to confess it; life is really good! Good work there bro Ojukwu

  4. Wow! What can I say…..’let boys be boys’ perhaps?! 😂😂😂

    You took your pretty lil time Chisom didn’t you now?! Can’t fake these or how else could you have impeccably turned up?! Fess up Chisom, you wrote from the heart didn’t you?! You know you can tell me, I won’t judge you! 👿😆😂

    MB and www tinz! Don’t you just miss the good old days when all you needed do was simply subscribe for that infamous mag that made Hugh Hefner a fat cat and household name…Playboy Mag! At least, you needn’t worry bout suspicious noises and intruders walking in on you before you get the chance to tuck it safely under your pillow or mattress if you’re going out on the town! 😂😂😂

    Absolutely loved reading this amidst the ensuing mischief and that certain discomfiture of having been caught pants down with both hands in the cookie jar….busted!!!! What punishment did y’all get Chisom? You oughta get to that part already, am burning to know!!!! 😈😆😆😆

    • Funny that you ‘accuse’ me of writing from the heart, yet you’re the one who just wrote us a prologue of the ‘how to not get caught’ manual. Funny, and a tad ‘bleh’ish dont you think, Yemz?

      No, you’re not putting this one on me, Madame.

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