10 ABSOLUTELY UNCOMPLICATED THINGS ABOUT WOMEN

Come, what’s all this noise about women and an innate complexity? “Women are complex, difficult, unpredictable, irritable, erratic, incomprehensible”… is all I ever heard as a growing child. As I grew, the talk only got worse; interestingly, I discovered the even more distorted opinion that women are indeed in support of this peddled talk. I mean, WHO in their right mind would want to be complex and difficult and unpredictable and irritable and erratic and incomprehensible? Apparently, the answer is women.

I refuse to accept that. On behalf of the beautiful good women my life’s path has harbored in the past and present, I refuse to see this talk of complexity as anything but hokus pokus.

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It was Mother’s day yesterday; in appreciation of motherhood and in essence, women, I present my proof…

<drumroll>…<armpit-slaps>…

 

10 ABSOLUTELY UNCOMPLICATED THINGS ABOUT WOMEN.

 

1. Everywoman likes to be called baby, ESPECIALLY if she says she doesn’t.

2. No woman likes to be called Mama Izuu or Mama Aliyu or Iya Momoh.

3. Everywoman will smile, REALLY smile, when you compliment her looks, especially her hair AND more especially if it’s true.

4. Any woman who yells and curses at her husband in the labor room is back there in less than a year.

5. All women like that they’re women, even with all the pain and abuse that they ever-so-complain about.

6. Everywoman classifies men into two groups – snacks and meals; snacks are flashy, sweet and brief. They only satisfy your temporary nibble needs. But meals are whole, rock-solid and for real. They hang on for the whole ride.

7. Everywoman will say she prefers ‘meals’ of course – balanced diet and all – but they all crave some sweet ‘snack’-time twice in every while.

8. Women like it when their men treat them like the weaker sex…because they know they are not.

9. Women whenever they get together, like to talk (NOT gossip) about what people did; special treatment is reserved for what people SAID.

10. Most women above 25 have told their girlfriends that all men are snakes at least twice.

10(b). All of them knew they were telling it to the real ‘snakes’

 

So to the woe-mongers, I say: Complicated ko…complex ni! Our women are simple…and beautifully so.

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29 thoughts on “10 ABSOLUTELY UNCOMPLICATED THINGS ABOUT WOMEN

  1. Badoo is at it again. Interesting read. I especially love ur analogy in no 6… Guy, write on joor…. Errmmmm… Were are d ladies???? Come n confess nowwwwwwwwww

  2. Nice one Chisom. #4 really got me cracking up! LoL!
    As for #6 and #7. don’t know whether to take them at face value or the “deeper” more “cerebral” meaning. #clearsthroat.

  3. Balanced diet and snacks?
    First time ever I’ve seen a metaphor like that.

    And I agree with you that women just tend to believe they are irrational, especially because society tells them so. A totally rational lady behaves irrationally once in a while and thinks she hasn’t deviated from the norm. She gets an inner approval from the handwriting of society on her mind. She BELIEVES she is supposed to be irrational. *smh*

    This is patently silly.

    Women and men are just different beings. Men were made from dirt. Women were made from the rib of men.

    They can’t be the same.

    S/O to the rational ladies out there.

    PS: This is a very creative post bro. Just like the writings of Kurt Vonnegut
    http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Kurt_Vonnegut

  4. Chisom..(pronounced Chizom like a typical Yoruba girl)..just like old wine, you keep getting better!Try as much as I could, I just had to say something!

    I will say Aye to 2,3,4 and 7. I mean, why would I want my hubby to call me Mama Chisom when I’m still in my youth? I see the way my Aunt..who is in her mid 60s..blushes whenever she’s complimented. That labour thing? You nailed it! 7 is just how we are by default. I will pretend I didn’t read another meaning though. #wink.

    Now! @6, although some how right.. I know a few men who are meals but won’t still hang on for the whole ride. They are simply opportunists. They will simply enjoy the meal, take the toothpick and walk away! @ 8..the term weaker sex over time has gotten mixed up; is it physical or emotional? I don’t “want” to be treated as “the” weaker sex because I’m not. We ALL have our weaknesses.

    @ 1, call me baby and I will look you “cold” in the eye that I’m not your plaything. But when I’m married…he dares un-not call me baby even in my late 80s.

    sorry bro, but your 5 is a noooo no! …..”all women like that they’re women, even with all the pain and abuse that they ever-so- complain about.”..seriously? if I was to come a 100 times again , I’m fully coming as a woman! we ever so complain about pains and abuses? I know we women can be over dramatic at times, but pray tell, have you experienced the pains of Menstrual cramps before? how much more labour? Have you seen a woman who is ABUSED psychologically and emotionally in her home? Need I add the blows? We/They don’t ever so complain about those! If we can eat our cakes and have it, why not? If we can have the happily ever after without the heart breaks, pains and abuses we ever so complain about, why not? We remain women and LOVE being women NOT as a function of these anomalies, but because its who we are! Our mothers never complained openly, but they keep doing so in their graves. I know our generation as women have issues…arrogance, ego and pride…but trust me, we would prefer not going through those. Trials in life makes us stronger no doubt, but not at the expense of pains and abuses.

    @10.. females below 25….no, make it girls from the age of 15 talk about how creepily snaky guys are. Unfortunately, its the same girl who “bitches” ..pardon my language…and warns about a guy that wishes deep down in her heart that he will much as smile at her. And if she decides to have him, she goes for him! That is one of the red alerts we have in our world.

    @ b…i know females can be real snakes, even worse than the males,but its not always we don’t tell ourselves the truth. Asides the…its a lie, are you for real, dooorrr, what evoorrrr, you look smashing girllll, the hugs and kisses in the air;i personally ensure my friends tell me to my face that i stink whenever i do. We don’t like to deal with the truth. We even want to be told what we want to hear and not what we need to hear. In the long run, we are not ALL (both male and female) yet perfect.

    Happy APRIL FULL!

    • Looool. Jedi, I completely agree with you. I learnt a long time ago not to argue with an impassioned woman, especially if the topic that got her so is WOMEN. So yes, dear…u’re ABSOLUTELY right. No complications there. 🙂

  5. Hahaha…abeg Martin, i don’t think #2 applies to all. Atleast, i know of a banker here (in her late 40s’ though) who prefers her husband calls her ‘Mama Chidera’. So you see, one man’s meat…(you know the rest).

  6. Chisom Ojukwu, just call the next woman you pass on the street ‘baby’ & see if don’t get slapped or worse. That nickname, except when used by a friend or someone a lady loves, is almost always degoratory.
    Your comparison of snacks and meals is interesting. But I choose to see that points 6 & 7 are not about the same thing. Not all ladies like bad guys, take me as an example 😄. I like them as good as they come. Except in movies/ series though. Who doesn’t love Damon of Vampire Diaries? 😜 All in all it’s a good post coming from a good place.

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