So, most of my friends have put a ring on it! A few others are already making preparations for the realm of “I DO!” A handful of others like me; well, we are just taking our time: the mere reason why my wonderful family members won’t let me off the hook. Whenever unavoidable circumstances find me in family weddings, they keep on chipping suggestive questions at me; “what about that friend of yours” (of course a friend who is a girl) or “are you aware Tunji just got married, is marriage not a beautiful thing?” For the bold ones, they come direct for my throat; “when are you getting married?” I have since gotten used to their ‘pestism’ though. All I now do is to smile, grin and give them my drop dead gorgeous wink.

As for my immediate family, dad has since given up on me. According to him, “the boy will come around when its time.” The same cannot be said about Mrs Funmilayo Oloye Thomas though. She still hopes against all hope that something good can come out of my Nazareth. You hear her say things like, “my friend’s youngest son just celebrated his third son’s birthday!” In other words, “my own first son won’t even bring home a girl! You have a mouth-watering job that would make any sensible girl jump at you. You have an apartment of your own. You are decent, good looking, caring and a typical take home to mama! So what exactly is the problem? Have you lost your toasting techniques? At least let your Father give you some tutorials. He used to be magnetic in that department you know?” “And still is” I can see her adding with a wink at my Dad.

And over and over and over she would continue. Most of the time, her husband doesn’t even try to calm her down. Else, she would get to that point when her European eloquence is dumped for her Yoruba – English. The last time he did, she was so angry she told him he would have to go on a mandatory fast “for the children’s future partners since you think I’m being unnecessarily ‘female-ish’ and emotional about all these. Ma Funmi mi at all! (don’t Funmi me at all!) So fun mi (tell me), Babatunde Rotimi Jibola Oloye Thomas! (Mum goes for his name in full when she is angry) at what age is he bringing a girl into this house? After all, bibi sa la bi? (we gave birth to him) Abi what kind of palapala is this?”

And because Dad is a wise man with the interest of his tummy at heart, he just gave her a peck and hurriedly took the nearest exit. I mean, who are you to argue with Mrs Oloye Thomas?!! Or olorimeji ni? Oh boy! See me infected with Maami’s Yoruba-English gig oh!

In all, what these loved ones don’t know is that I’m seriously taking my time to the greatest length. If it takes me 3 years to wait for her, I don’t mind. As I keep telling my sisters, I have a superb taste where females are concerned. If I have my way, I won’t mind the hour-glass shaped woman. They call it figure 8. I call it Figure Eve. But really, I would be the happiest man on earth if I have me a correct African woman. This is not necessarily in the skin color (not too light and not too dark will do though). When I say ‘African’, I mean a woman who won’t mind showing off her hair once in a while irrespective of the length. I know my sisters and female cousins will cut off my head when they read this but come on, a brother can still dream right? It’s not every day you want to see the Peruvian, Brazilian weave. I totally love the elegance and sophistication with which females carry this hair-do; unfortunately we do get bored at times. No disrespect, but it makes them look … the same!

And her size? I won’t be explicit in my description of her less you think twice about my spirituality. But a woman who isn’t infatuated or obsessed about being a size 7 is water to my thirsty throat. Of course, I’m not an advocate for eating without self-control; my mum is to blame for this (yes, Maami again!) because she spoilt us all with good food. I don’t expect less from the future Mrs. Faith Oloye Thomas. She need not be an expert, but she should be willing to pull some creative stunts in the kitchen. And she need not think me a slave Master; courtesy of my mum (sherrapu!), I got several lashes as a child for burning the food because what a woman can do, a man can do better. In other words, her pregnancy periods are all covered.

In case you find her first, could you please tell her to be herself? I hate pretence! There’s this best friend of mine. She happens to be married though. If not that she’s married to my very good friend too, I would have snatched her from him (hopefully, Oroghene Dubamo is not reading this.) when I think of Patience Ogoh, I see truthfulness. We met in a restaurant in school. She was eating amala dudu and okro soup with her fingers! Can you imagine? Who does that in this 21st century? I sat directly opposite her and did not even bother to hide my stare. I wasn’t the only one beholding this breath-taking, light complexioned damsel eating with her fingers. One thing led to the other and we got talking. Need I mention the fact that her eating etiquette would make Queen Elizabeth herself blush? I mean with the straight shoulders, well angled arms and all. Her best meal? Garri with cold water, lots of sugar, milk and ground-nut!

I know everybody cannot be like this unique friend of mine! But then, it is comforting when you meet someone and your first impression about them is that “what you see is what you get!” I love creativity in a woman also. It would be nice if she can hold her own in whatever conversation she finds herself. With the combination of smartness, intelligence and humor, Mr. Husband wouldn’t think twice about coming home to her every day. She has to be a strong woman!

I intentionally did not put the “God factor first”. No doubt I’m born again, soaked in the blood, drowned with Christ and my Body, Spirit and Soul belongs to God! I don’t expect less from her. As a matter of fact, “this criterion” is not in dispute at all. Even if she doesn’t have all the aforementioned “qualities” she must know who she is in Christ. I don’t expect her to know all the bible versions off hand (because I don’t)…and I’m not looking out for whether she prays 77 times 7 times daily. All I ask God for is a woman who has that sincere thirst to know Him the more. Even if she’s still growing, the fact that she desires to have a concrete personal relationship with God goes a long way. This I believe IS the desire of God. So basically; a woman who knows her stand with God, His purpose for her life and where He’s taking her to. I have dreams and visions, so it’s only natural I voyage in life with someone who is in line with God’s purpose for me. It works both ways; this I know. Allll-right, enough preaching.

After all said and done, I don’t ask for a perfect woman. I’m an epitome of imperfection. But thanks to Christ, the more I gaze at that Savior of mine, the more I see perfect in Him in view. Hence my firm resolve that I can do all things through Him who strengthens me! So, I expect my strengths will be a covering for her weaknesses and vice versa.

My dear wifey, I’m presently being groomed by God. I have an aim – to be in the mold to which God has called me. So I expect that where ever she is right now and whatever she’s doing, she allows herself to be molded by God. Wisdom has taught me that, “a good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds. Her husband puts his confidence in her, and he will never be poor. As long as she lives, she does him good and never harm. She’s like a trading ship that sails to faraway places and brings back exotic surprises. She’s skilled in the crafts of home and hearth, diligent in homemaking. She speaks with a gentle wisdom. Her children show their appreciation, and her husband praises her” I see myself in the nearest future telling her, “Many women are good wives, but you’ve outclassed them all!” Wisdom still has these to say about her, “Charm is deceptive and beauty disappears, but a woman who honors the LORD should be praised. Give her everything she deserves! Festoon her life with praises!”

Finally to her….I have gone over different scenes in my head as to when, where and how we would meet. I do hope I won’t find you in the hands of another man though. I’m an absolute gentle man, but I can’t promise not to beat that guy up. You need not be afraid, I’m no Mike Tyson. I can hear my mum say, “Faith Oloye Thomas, be civilized! I taught you better!” You ask how I would know when we meet? Don’t worry, sweetheart. I hope you don’t mind the endearment, another thing my parents have spoilt us with is the way they shamelessly call each other sweet nothings. Those old guys are ehn, you will simply love them! Where was I again? Enhen, how I will know abi? Remember those Words of Wisdom, “the deep calls unto the deep and iron sharpens iron?” Exactly! That is how I know I will know! Most importantly, “there’s a Spirit in man, and the inspiration of the Almighty gives understanding.”

I wait in obedience to God and confidence in the Spirit. So I pray that may the eyes of your understanding be enlightened that you may know the hope to which God has called you. May he give you beauty for ashes, strength for fear, gladness for mourning and peace for despair. Finally, may the peace of God which passes all understanding fill your heart and mind with the knowledge and Love of Him through Jesus Christ our Saviour. So while I wait for you, please hurry. You alone can fill my missing rib!



By: Jedidiah Oluwadamilola Ifenla Oligbinde.

Dami schooled as a lawyer, trained as a photographer and loves cooking. She has the pen of a ready writer and so, whenever her imagination runs off – which happens very often – she never hesitates to put down! And you guessed right from her name, she believes in love *wink*

9 thoughts on “WHILE I WAIT FOR HER

  1. Ahhhh is you being picky in this kain generation? i’m not saying you should be a settler, and not a reacher, No… i’m saying…see ehn, lemme not lie, i intend waiting for my ideal. Maybe not a 100%, but i won’t compromise so much. i want to do ever after, not divorce after.

  2. Me sef no want 100% because i no be 100% ideal myself. But who no want good thing? Chisom,i still de wait for that ideal proposal oooo.

  3. I was enjoying this story right until ‘This is not necessarily in the skin color (not too light and not too dark will do though)’. There is nothing wrong with a very dark skin person, and I mean ‘dark as night’ included. The reason why this light and dark skin preference came up was due to the slaves being shipped to other countries, like America. Because America was a predominately white nation, the blacks felt out of place and a preference to fit in and be as light as the whites started.
    Nigeria is a predominately black nation. I do not see how it is a problem if a woman is ‘too dark’. There is no such thing as being too dark. Too dark by whose standards? The whites? Cause this was not a black mentality before slavery and suddenly look at us #teamlightskin and #teamblackskin. Is there a certain amount of blackness that starts to look ugly in people’s eyes? This man is looking for a wife but he immediately cut out majority of his options by that statement. What if he is what his dream woman wants cause she too may not want a man who is ‘too dark’. We are Nigerians, we need to be one, and support all men and women and assure them we are all beautiful. Instead with comments like these you have women and men being insecure about their blackness and thinking about bleaching creams etc. The only reason you don’t want ‘too dark’ is because you were conditioned to associate with ugliness, you need to change your view.
    Also, I do not know what part of Nigeria he is in, but the woman he described with the hair and begin themselves, that describes 70% of my friends. Nigerians have also been hit with the wave of going back to their natural roots so they do let their afros out in all their glory. And yes they do eat with their fingers in public, really who doesn’t, it’s Nigeria for crying out loud.
    Broaden your options and you have a better chance at true love.

    • Eaasssy, SincerelyHers, I agree with you. completely. In fact, I have no misgivings whatsoever about the skin color on any human person. What I think Dami (who is in fact, the writer of the story) was trying to do is inject a little humor in that context. And I feel it caught too. So fear not, you are on home territory here. Besides, it might interest you to know that Dami herself is a woman, a beautiful DARK dark-skinned woman whose acquaintance I have had the privilege of making.
      Thanks too for caring enough to drop a comment. See you around 🙂

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